An Ode to Insecurities

Here's the thing about insecurities. Everyone has them, so you would think that we’d know how to control them by now. Instead, we choose to manifest them by looking for external validation as a solution. This is a short term goal, and makes you feel a shit ton better. But once the high passes, we crave acceptance even stronger.

There are a lot of places where we can find that acceptance, and as biologically social creatures, the need to belong is completely healthy. The complication only occurs when we don’t realize that we’re addicted to that external source, and start to get desensitized to our own insecurity.

This is the point where we reach co-dependency, and stop holding ourselves accountable for our problems because we expect others to take on the responsibility for us.

It seems quite obvious that we should be in charge of our own mental state and personal dilemmas. Yet, we are so afraid of self-confrontation that we program ourselves to run away from overcoming insecurity and loving ourselves. And honestly, procrastinating on that introspection seems so convenient, especially when there are so many people with a “savior complex” to willingly accept blame for our issues. But it's mean, not to mention impractical. Not only does it strain relationships by taking advantage of people’s naivety, but literally leads us in the opposite direction of feeling at peace with those issues.

Here is a small PSA/pep-talk on two things I learned the hard way:

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On Insecurity:

It is okay to need help. Asking for help is great.

But also recognize that your insecurities are yours and yours only.

While others can choose to love you unconditionally and support you to the best of their abilities, no one else can “fix” you.

Instead, accept your flaws (the hard part). Then make active changes to improve on them.

You can do it!

On Reinforcement:

It's okay to help someone who asks. Helping is great.

But also recognize that their insecurities are theirs and theirs only.

While you can choose to love them unconditionally and support them to the best of your abilities, you can’t “fix” them. Especially those that don’t want to be fixed.

Instead, give them the space and resources to accept their flaws. Then remind them that

they are capable enough to fight their demons, and hold them accountable.

Be the encouragement they need to believe that they can do it!

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